:OMG

Truth is,
In my whole 18 years life,
I only being in love once.
Yes,this is a fact and I thought I should share away.
Why?
When some dudes asked me,
hey,do you have girlfriend?
and I mostly replied yes.
But in actual fact no.
Which mean,I lied to most of you.

I fall in love once,
and I think thats it.
I dont feel like falling for it anymore.
Because its annoying,irritating and
somewhat when you broke up,
it hurts so much that you dont have the desire to live
especially when you devoted your entire life and soul
to that particular person,
and never get the appreciation back,
which happened to me.
Doesnt you heart hurt like hell a lot?
And so I decided not ever in my whole life to fall for it.
Yes,this is the truth.
Besides,its hard to find someone that
really love me the most,truthfully and
love me for who I am.
But still,I survived.
Although, I did thought of suiciding (lol)
but to me in this life,
there's no such thing as easy.
And so,I think ending my life
would be a total wasted and a simple way to
run from a problem.
Which I dont want that cause it shows how weak I am.
Maybe by that time I was fragile,inside and outside.

To tell you the truth,
I once asked my mum,
if ever I'm not married in my whole life,
would she mind?
and she said that,
"I dont mind if you marry or not,as long as you are happy.But dont be like that if you could."
and I replied,
"Well rather than loving someone,how about I devoted myself to my family,to you,to my siblings and to my life especially. Achieving my dream and ambition. And mom, youre and old lady and a single mother,as your first son,its something that I take responsible."

If ever I get married,
and somehow things doesnt work and divorced,
I will take my kids and live with them instead.
Because I know,
I know how its felt like to live as a divorced child.
Not many know this and please keep it to yourself.
I dont want you to exaggerate the story
and thus other people start to put sympathy
or made fun of it.

Nevertheless,
Crush? Yes,few.
But thats about it.
It just some crush and no one care.
Nor do they care about my feeling toward them?

I have to say,
people like to take advantage on my weakness.
I admit that I can be emotional
and somehow someone that doesnt have the gut to do something.
Or in malay word, "Tak sampai hati."

If ever you ignore me,
Ill be sad,
but somehow afterward you suddenly
doesnt ignore me anymore,
I somehow forgot about what you did.

Its like what I'm trying to say here is that,
I treat people nicely and I get shitty treats back.

My life is sad,emotional,and blabla.
Why would anyone feel jealous about it?

Toodles ♥